Computer Science for Parents

stevek — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 07:59:45 +0000

I was discussing recently with friends that it would be amusing to create a computer science reference for parents.

So for those of you out there who know something about computers and babies, I offer a few definitions.

The urgent period between removing the old dirty diaper and securing the clean new one.

A diaper fails the sniff test, and you request a clean-up. Ideally this is done by the person who was holding the baby when the error occurred.

Self explanatory

You lift the baby, sniff the diaper, but can’t make an obvious conclusion. You start opening layers of clothing in search of additional evidence.

You ask spouse to “hold” the baby, knowing full well that a diaper change is already needed.

A device which formerly accepted tape as input, but is now gummed up with oatmeal. “Turing complete” means “filled entirely” with oatmeal.

Examine yesterday’s clothes for obvious signs of stains / barf / poop. Continue using if they don’t look or smell too bad.

An arrangement of toys, ideally in a storage bin. Often these are scattered randomly around the house; we call this “fragmentation”.

You cannot get out of the house because each child poops / barfs at a frequency greater than they can be cleaned up and prepped for departure.

Juggling baby, bottle, barf cloth, iDevice, tissues, you finally run out of appendages available to hold anything.

What you got.

This is formally deprecated, having been delegated to child processes.

You hired a baby sitter.

Maladjusted diaper results in loss of … resources.

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